so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
