You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
