Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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