I love black thongs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
