I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
