I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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