I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
