you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
