We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Randomize
