So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
