you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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