I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
