She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
