then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
