We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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