You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We are two peas in an std pod
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
