one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked