I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
