Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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