Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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