$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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