She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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