Jerry, you need to find god
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
