what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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