Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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