there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize