he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
