My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
