So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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