dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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