Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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