You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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