Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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