How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
