So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
