Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
