i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
