If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
