I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
