last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
