hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
40s are totally the cure
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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