i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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