I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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