"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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