I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
