I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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