I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
