Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
