i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
