do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
