Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
