I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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