You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
