Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
