its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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