i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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