EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
