it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
