So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
