I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i'm inner monologue high
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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