I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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