So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
