I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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