I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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