Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
