Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
