It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Holy shit dude........stairs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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