Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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