OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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