no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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