I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
