My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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