my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We're too hungover to prance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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