we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
