Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
