Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
