Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
