Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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