Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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