Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
