break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
