your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
