Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i dont even know how to be here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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