i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize