Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
