You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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