i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
